I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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