i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
