if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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