Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
