One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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