I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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