new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
did i just pee glitter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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