I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
