I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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