and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
