I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize