I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
