she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
