I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
