Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
