I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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