another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
