I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
