i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
