You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
