A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
