He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
