First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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