No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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