gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
