Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
