So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
