That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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