I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
