I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
