If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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