and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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