i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
