My sheets look like a crime scene.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we're making bets on your personal life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
