So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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