My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
