she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
