wanna go halves on a baby?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
