my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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