can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
