there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
