____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
