I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
