i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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