Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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