I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
