so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
