her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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