if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
