I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
