I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
