I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
