Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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